The 10-Second Breath

I live in an apartment building with five floors of units and three levels of garage below.

The elevator stops at GR, the ground level where the entrance is, and at G, one level up, with about six steps between them.

Today I got on at my floor and pushed GR.

Someone had already pushed G, and I hadn't noticed.

The elevator stopped at G, a person got off, and it kept going down to GR, where I got off.

I walked out.

A second later, two people were standing behind me.

The man turned to the woman and said, "People are so lazy."

I was angry right away.

I wanted to spin around and say, "You're calling me lazy? I came down from the top. I pushed GR. Someone else pushed G."

Then I thought about how that would go.

I'd get an argument.

They'd think I was hostile.

Nobody would walk away better for it.

So I took a breath and kept walking.

The Pause Is Where the Better Response Lives

Could I have said something?

Maybe, in a nice way.

But in that moment I knew it would come out wrong.

Rude, aggressive, defensive.

That's what we do in our relationships and at work.

We react instead of taking a minute.

Did I look lazy to them?

Probably.

Should they have assumed that?

No.

They don't know me.

But I don't need strangers to have the right opinion of me.

I won't recognize them again, and their view of me doesn't change anything.

Think about how often you react in the first second.

An email that stings.

A text from someone you love.

The pause is where the better response lives.

A deep breath, ten seconds, two minutes.

It's usually enough to help you do the right thing.

This Week

This week, catch one moment where you want to react.

Take the breath first.

Then hit reply and tell me what happened.

I read every one.

Aaron

P.S. I give keynotes on performing under pressure for companies, schools, and associations. If your organization is planning something, you can learn more at aarongolub.com.